Create The Best Me

Finding Support in Midlife: The Journey to Your Best Life

August 15, 2024 • Janet Zavala • Episode 77

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In this episode, I, Carmen Hecox, sit down with my best friend and life coach, Janet Zavala, to discuss the power of support systems during midlife. From overcoming obstacles to finding fulfillment and cultivating meaningful relationships, this episode is packed with insights and heartfelt moments. We talk about how important it is to be consistent with small steps, not to shy away from being vulnerable, and how having a tribe can be life-changing.

5 Key Lessons:

1. The Power of Consistency:

  • Small daily steps, done consistently, can lead to substantial progress. Janet emphasizes the importance of finding what works for you and sticking with it.

2. Overcoming Obstacles:

  • Janet shares her journey of trying various self-improvement modalities and stresses the importance of leaving no stone unturned in the quest for a better life.

3. Importance of Support Systems:

  • Having a tribe, whether it’s one person or a community, can empower you during tough times. It’s crucial to have people who lift you up and support you.

4. Cultivating Vulnerability:

  • Building strong connections starts with being vulnerable and open. It’s okay to reach out and ask how others are doing, even when you might not feel great yourself.

5. Finding Your Tribe:

  • Whether you're an introvert or extrovert, finding people with common interests can make a huge difference. Practice small acts of kindness and start conversations to build meaningful relationships.

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Sneak Peek for Next Week: 

Tune in next week as we sit down with Junie Moon, the midlife coach and host of "Midlife Out Loud Podcast," to explore transformative self-love journeys and creating fulfilling relationships you’ve always dreamed about.

 

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep077

https://createthebestme.com/ep067 

https://createthebestme.com/ep042 

 

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And if you have a girlfriend who is single because I'm married. Mm-Hmm.. I am not, give her a hug. Give her a hug I'm gonna cry. Thank you for hugging me. I didn't hug you. I love you so much. I love you too. Ever wondered what a conversation between me and my bestie sounds like? At least an informal conversation? Today, I'm joined by my best friend, Janet Zavala. We're diving into a heartfelt discussion about the power of support systems in midlife, right from the beautiful, sunny Southern California. Here's a little secret, Janet shared meditation is her favorite way to center herself, but you have to leave no stone unturned to figure out how to live your best life. Stick around as we explore how these small daily steps lead to monumental changes. And trust me, by the end of our chat, you'll be rethinking how you approach your own journey. So what's it like to be a life coach? I love talking to people and helping them break through what they're going through, break it down, try to resolve it, and then set goals to achieve what they want to achieve. Tell me something, how did you reach the point to where you were able to overcome whatever obstacles were standing in your way and achieve, those goals to where now you're able to help people. I spent a lot of time researching and trying to figure out what works for me because you can look out there and there are a million different things that you can do to try and heal and grow and learn and you've got to find the thing that works for you. So just trying different things, trying different modalities. Meditation is always my favorite just to kind of center yourself to get you into the space where you can start healing. But I think that you have to try everything. You have to leave no stone unturned to try to figure out how to live your best life because we are meant to live our best lives. And so you just need to keep on trying and then being consistent about it. Keep on going back to small steps every day, done consistently, will get you to where you want to go. Mm hmm. What about, um, Can I ask you a question? Sure. Tell me why you started this podcast. Why did I start this podcast? I started this podcast because being a woman in midlife can be a very lonely place to be. And sometimes you, you might have your family, you might have, you might be rich with people. Even though you're rich with these people, there's still that feeling inside of loneliness. Because there's so much going on personally, professionally. So many things biologically that are changing. Mm-Hmm. And it's hard to explain or express yourself because being a woman, people might say, was she such a whiner? And, and you feel like you're misunderstood. And so just being able to have somebody out there that understands you. Mm-hmm. At least in my opinion, it's just worth so much. Yeah, I I couldn't agree more with everything you said. I think that there, there's a strong desire for more meaning and more purpose in your life and to do different things and to find that fulfillment. But I want people to understand, it's not that you didn't enjoy what you did in the first part of your life. It's not like you didn't find fulfillment in having a family or raising kids, but now you're like, okay, what else is there? I have so much to offer. I think that when we deplete ourselves, giving to everybody else, which again is perfectly wonderful and fulfilling, but then there comes a time when you're like, okay, what about me? What do I like? Cause you're focusing on everybody else's passions, everybody else's loves, and everybody else's lives and fixing things and doing the things, but then you find like, okay, well, what about me? And you're like, I want to do something for me. Um-hum and I think that a lot of women in midlife, what we find is that saying, I want to do something for me because we have given so much of ourselves can sort of seem that you're being a little selfish. And it's not that you're being selfish, your. You're just, for the first time in some of us, in 50 years. Yes. We're saying it's my turn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not selfish. it's it's you're refreshing yourself. That's right. You're polishing yourself up. That's right. And the amazing thing about going through that right now, Janet Um-hum, Is that we're so much stronger. We're so much more wiser. And there's so much endless possibilities of what we can accomplish in this particular stage of our life. Mm hmm, mm hmm. And I think that, you know, you and I do what we do. We are providing women with the tools and the knowledge to move to that next level. Yes, yeah. Absolutely. But let's talk about, like, having that tribe, because I think that you know, we, we met through a friend and it's just been kind of love at first sight you know. We have been like bonded ever since. And you know, our daily texts, you know, and, and for a while we both had a bunch of things going on and we fell off and it's like, I miss my bestie. I miss her. You know, it's the, it's that, that, you know, connection and that understanding. So talk about like, what the importance is of having your tribe, finding your tribe, and then having it to support you through this time. Janet, I will be very honest with you, having that person, either one person or three people, you know, whatever that community fits for your needs, Right you know, for me, you know, right now where I'm at in my life, you know, that one-on-one type of thing. So rich, it's so empowering to know that there is somebody out there on, you know, maybe on the other side of the earth or the other side of the world. You know, I'm very fortunate that my bestie is, what is it? On the other side of California Southern California, I'm in Northern California, it's just, you know, one hour flight away, but it's just, it makes, it gives, you give me power. When I feel down and you know, like the world has just given me a real good beating Um-hum. Sending you that text just lifts me up and lets me know that, hey, It's okay. You can do it. You're going to get it Girl power. You got this Yeah. Yeah. And You got this or take a break or you did it. Congratulations. Yeah, yeah. Or even like the small little tiny wins, you know, when someone sends me a message, you don't TikTok or on Instagram or or YouTube and says, needed to hear this. Yeah. You know, I, I might send you a message and say, hey, Janet, I got a heart. Hey, Janet. Yeah, I got somebody sent me this message and here's my cheerleader saying, Yay! Wayda go! Go girl! Yeah, yeah You know, it might be small, but it's that cheerleader that I needed. So that's right. Say, hey, keep going. That's right. Or when I'm down in the dirt and just saying, oh man, life has given me a real good beating. Yeah. You know, it's just like, you might be, you know, in Southern California and I'm in Northern California, but I just feel like you're just lifting me right up saying, hey girl, it's okay. It's part of life. It's part of growing. You went through this, you know, in your younger years. Yeah. Unfortunately, you're going to go through it again. Yeah. Yeah. It's empowering. I, I, you know, I strongly recommend it. Any woman out there needs to find that tribe, that person, that one, or, or, you know, some of us need several people. Right, right. Absolutely. And how do we find those people? How do we find those people? You know how you find those people, Janet? You gotta be vulnerable. Yeah. You gotta open up. You gotta open up. Even though, you know, maybe a lot of us are introverts um-hum, I mean, I, I know I'm an extrovert. You're an introvert. Yeah. But it takes a lot of vulnerability to reach out to that person and say, Hey, how you doing? Right yeah, You know even when you don't really want to ask that person how they're doing, because you feel miserable and you want to just hide under, hide you know, hide under the covers and just. Yeah. Cry. Yeah, yeah. I feel like sometimes I don't reach out to people because I'm like, you know, I don't want to bother, bother them. I don't want to intrude. I don't want to like, you know, take anything away from them. But I find that when I do reach out, like it's needed and I need it. And we need that exchange of energy. Yeah. And you know, I had a woman reach out to me on TikTok when I did the episode where I dedicated it to my bestie. She just said that she talked about working from home and she talked about how difficult, you know, how do you make friends? Especially where she's no longer in the office. She's working from home. Yeah. And so she's in her home. How do you make friends? And I gave her an answer and she came back and said, yes, but how do you make friends? Um-hum So I reached out to her and I just said, I said, you know, you need to be vulnerable and you need to connect with people. You need to talk, you know, join different Facebook groups or Instagrams or just different groups out there and find that person that has that common, you know, common interest or something with you. and say hi. Ask a co- worker, even though you're working virtually, ask a co-worker that lives in the same town as you, ask them out for coffee Right, right. What's the worst that's going to happen? They're going to say no. Yeah, yeah.. You know, I think they're going to remember, hey, you know, Shannon asked me out for coffee. I should take her up on that. Yeah. And you never know that person who you ask, like, has been wanting that connection as well has been wanting to have somebody to talk to. So, you know, you never know whose life you can touch when you do that. I think also like following your passions and your curiosity. So if you enjoy photography, go do a meetup group where you go out and take pictures and you meet people with common interest or take a class or explore things that you're interested in and you're curious about because that's where your people will be. Um-hum. And I think that a lot of times, a lot of us are kind of reluctant to do this. But um-hum if for example, if I like your blouse, I'd say, Hey, Janet, I like your blouse your wearing. Yeah. Yeah. Even things as simple as that creates conversation. And what can you expect from conversations? Um-hum Friendships to blossom. That's right. Maybe not friendships right away. That's right. And, and practice because like you said, not every compliment is going to turn into a friendship, but if you have a hard time doing it, practice. In the grocery store, you know, smile at somebody. Oh, you know, don't be creepy about it. Don't be creepy, but you know, just get into the practice of talking because I, I am really an introvert and I don't like small talk and I had a hard time and you know, it's a thing with me. But when I have those connections, like they go deep, they go deep. So, you know, even if you're an introvert, you can do it, you can build those relationships. Yeah. And I think it's, I think that in today's world, we kind of become those type of people that rely on scrolling on social media and fantasizing what you see on social media. Oh, I wish I had that, or I wish I had that kind of life and stuff. And so I think that we become more technical savvy. And I'm, I'm, I hate saying this because I'm a big tech geek. You are. But Your my tech support, but that you still need to have that human connection. Absolutely. You have to have it and, you know, start getting into the practice of complimenting people. That was so good. Smiling. Even when you don't want to truly smile. There's so much power that comes into your physical being when you smile. When you smile at someone else, it's infectious. Absolutely. It's an exchange of energy. And, you know, in this world that we're living in, like, we need more of that positive exchange of energy right now. We do. And, you know, and sometime, like if I did say, Janet, I love your blouse, I may not know what's going on in your life and maybe you're feeling down, but that's a compliment and all of a sudden you have this uplifting feeling inside you. Mm hmm. And people will remember that they'll say, hey, you know what I, you know, Janet, I saw, I think that's her name. Janet. I saw her at the grocery store or I saw her at such and such place. She made me feel so good. They may not remember what you did that made them feel good, but they know that you made them. That's right. And so I'm thinking we need to practice that a little bit more. I love that. And I think that if we did that, we could build greater friendships. Where they didn't, where they don't exist. That's right. If you're a woman in midlife, I think like we should have a challenge where, you know, go out and this week and smile and say hi to at least three people. Build that connection. Start practicing. Or if you can't do that um-hum, start with smiling. Yeah. Just smile. And then once you're a little more comfortable with the smiling part, then say good morning. Um-hum. Good afternoon. Yeah. Or ask people, how are you doing today? That's right. But genuinely. Yeah. Really, really, really and truly, you Right really wanna know how are you doing today? Well, yeah. Yeah. And if you have a girlfriend who is single because I'm married. Mm-Hmm.. I am not, give her a hug. Give her a hug. Yes. Because I will tell you I was single for 21 years before I got married uhum. And it can be a lonely place. And we as single women don't get very much hugs. And we yeah need that connection that's right, the sweet, innocent connection of Right I value of your friendship. I love you. And it's a real hug. That's right. Just a hug. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's so important. That human connection and that human touch, you know, based on your, your needs and your desires and your wants and, and your personality. But yeah, I think it's so important. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I love getting to talk to you. I love your little trips down here and just, you know, um, you down here in Southern California and, and me, you know, just driving a little, a little ways to come have a meal, connect, catch up, make a video. Even though it's in the hotel room while my husband's out with the girls, um, doing a little bit of shopping and my makeup looks bad, but you know what? I, that's the other thing it's like we are so hard on ourselves with our looks and because I'm sitting here thinking and I'm having a wonderful conversation, but how am I looking? Am I, you know, we we just need to be okay and have that self-love and, you know, we're not going to be perfect. We're not going to be, you know, like we were at 20, right? And that's okay. We shouldn't be. That's not how life works, right? But, you know, we have to be okay with us. We have to be more authentic. I think if we, you know, As, um, one of my prior guests, uh, Courtney McDermott said, um, take off that mask. Take off that mask and just be authentic. Think if we were more authentic and had a little more compassion and reached out, smile, ask people genuinely how they're doing and hug people. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah, for sure. And be open to those relationships that are unexpected like ours, right? I mean, there there's no reason in the world that our common, you know, friend and introduced us and I came on your show a couple times, twice, you know, it kind of just ended there and I was a guest on your show and that's it. But we fostered that relationship. We kept it going. We kept on interacting. And so, you know, As I have said in this week's episode and in one of my prior episodes, need to nurture those relationships. Mm hmm. Nurturing is key Yeah. I'm gonna cry. Thank you for hugging me. I didn't hug you. I love you so much. I love you too. Alright. Bye Bye bye. Wow. What a journey we had today. Janet has truly opened our eyes to the endless possibilities that can come from exploring every avenue to live your best life. Remember her words about meditation and trying everything. It's about those small, consistent steps that lead to big, impactful changes. If you want to dive deeper in today's conversation or revisit any part of our discussion, you can find the full transcript at createthebestme.com/ep077. Thank you everyone for joining us for a special episode of Create the Best Me. Be sure to come back next week when we'll be joined by your favorite midlife coach and the host of Midlife Out Loud podcast Junie Moon. We'll explore transformative journeys towards self-love and creating fulfilling relationships. Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself. Thank you for watching. Catch you next week. Bye for now.