Create The Best Me

Stop Calling It A Midlife Crisis (Do This Instead)

• Carmen Hecox • Episode 143

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Feeling stuck, restless, or questioning your path? The words “midlife crisis” gets tossed around a lot, but what if that unsettled feeling is actually an inner summons, a powerful call to realign with your purpose and values? In this episode, “Stop Calling It A Midlife Crisis (Do This Instead),” I talk with bestselling author and leadership strategist James Robbins about how to turn that discomfort into growth, creativity, and a more authentic life.

We explore why the so-called “midlife crisis” is really a collision of your programmed self and your deeper self, and how symptoms like frustration or feeling “off” are signals to pause, re-examine, and climb toward something greater. James Robbins shares the two words he relies on before every big moment, explains his spiritual compass method for decision-making, and reveals actionable ways to shift from a turbulent state to a beautiful state even when deadlines are screaming.

Whether you’re considering a career switch, longing for meaning, or just tired of living on autopilot, this episode will inspire you to move beyond fear, redefine your values, and become your own best cheerleader. Tune in to “Stop Calling It A Midlife Crisis (Do This Instead)” and start your climb.

5 Key Lessons:

  1. Midlife “crisis” is a collision of your programmed habits with your true self, and it’s your soul’s call to climb, not a breakdown.
  2. Your spiritual compass is unique to you; to define your values and commitments so your decisions actually match your authentic self.
  3. The moment you feel like quitting is the sign you’ve entered your growth zone; staying with discomfort leads to real transformation.
  4. Self-talk matters: “I believe in me” is a powerful reset for confidence, clarity, and creativity, especially in turbulent moments.
  5. To shift from a turbulent state to a beautiful state, use nature, breathwork, and intention, creativity, and answers live on the other side.

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Drop your thoughts or questions in the comments. I love hearing from you.
And ways to keep climbing toward your best self.

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https://iwillclimb.com/

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#StopCallingItAMidlifeCrisis #JamesRobbins #TheCallToClimb #MidlifeGrowth #SoulAlignment #PersonalTransformation #BeautifulState #GrowthZone #SelfDiscovery #SpiritualCompass #CreateTheBestMe #MindsetReset #AuthenticLiving 

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Have you ever signed up for something and then silently begged, please don't call my name first? James Robbins did — at a packed storytelling competition. They called his name first— and what happened next is exactly why today's conversation might be the nudge you've been waiting for. If midlife has you thinking something's off and I'm out of alignment, you are in the right place. My guest Leadership strategist and bestselling author, James Robbins. Yes— The Nine Minutes on Monday guy and the author of the Call to Climb. Is here to talk about answering what that inner summons when life feels out of tune. Stick with us because you'll hear the two words James uses to steady himself before big moments. How to shift from a turbulent state to a beautiful state when a deadline is screaming— and why the moment you feel like quitting is actually proof you've entered the growth zone, and what to do right there. We'll also unpack James' Spiritual Compass— a simple way to make decisions that actually matches your value. Okay... let's climb. James Robbins, welcome to Create the Best Me. I am excited and this is an honor to have you on the show. Carmen, thanks for having me on your podcast. Great to be here. James, before we get into today's conversation — because there might be some people out there that have not become a big, loyal fan like I have through my experience in reading your book, could you please tell the listeners and viewers a little bit about who you are and what you do? Well, I grew up on a small cattle ranch in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. I was this red-headed, freckle-face, shy kid — the only redhead in my town. It just, you know, made me the minority. And so I grew up with all these insecurities, but later go on to have a career that had me on stage and speaking a lot. I have a leadership development company and I, I like to think of deeper things and I like to climb mountains. So, you know, it's how all of our story ends up, you know, somehow funneling into things like mine did for this book. And so the reason I invited you onto the show is because I read your amazing book, The Call to Climb and oh my gosh, everyone needs to read this book. I don't care if you're a man, woman, child, you need to read this book. This is the book that you need to have on your Christmas list for yourself and for those special people in your life. I love this book. I invited you on the show because there are so much good stuff in this book. Well, I look forward to talking about it for sure. I'm so happy that you liked it. I'm really, really happy. I am like over the top, excited. I love Riley, I love Santiago. Everybody, everyone, just everyone. I fell in love with all the characters in the book. And so the reason why I invited you onto the show is because I feel like when we hit midlife, we sort of feel like something's off. Life is off, whether it's personal, whether it's professional, whether it's with our own self; life is off and we feel like we're out of alignment. And I felt like reading your book; it helps guide people in getting realigned with who you are or what your purpose is all about. Yeah, the book really came out of my own time in, I would go back to midlife where I felt that feeling of out of alignment. I think it is so common actually. You know, when we think of sort of like the program self has been running, uh, running its course and maybe starting to get tired. And then that deeper part of us, you know, which I use the word soul for, or your psyche or your inner life. That begins to start to knock on the door to go, Hey, wait a minute. Like this is not the path we're supposed to be on. There's something bigger for you. And that happened to me, I was working in a not-for-profit and I had a great job, and everyone would tell me that as well. Like, you're so lucky to have this job. But as time went on, I, I, I began to get more and more unhappy. And I, I kept thinking like, what's wrong with me? Like, I should be happy. So just keep going. Well, eventually, you know, you can only do that for so long before things start to mess up in your life, whether it's you getting frustrated and angry or health problems. And all of that happened to me and that really to me was the, the inner life trying to get my attention to say, hey, uh, regardless of what you think right now, there's something bigger for you. And it's, it's hard to stop and listen to that voice. A, because we're busy, B because often that voice is gonna tell us something that's actually quite frightening. Yeah. And, and you talked about that in your book. You talked about where it's hard to listen to that voice because of this belief system that we have. This fear, these, I cannot do this because this or that. In your book you talked about how it's deeper than, it's deeper than us. It may have been something that we inherited from our grow from growing up. It's that part of us that knows what's best for us. And, you know, all the time when we're struggling with like, what should I be doing and what should I be doing with my life? Well, there's a part of you that knows the answer to that. The problem is we're just not tuning in. So we're always looking outside for all the answers and the signs, and let's read the tea leaves. But the, the answers are within you. Whether that's through the breadcrumbs throughout your life that have, pointed towards something, uh, or just even the current restlessness that you might feel right as a signal to say, Hey, like, let's, let's pause for a minute and, and take a look at this. Yeah, and, and I think another thing is that a lot of times we go to others and we say, well, what do you think I should do? When, like you said the answer, we already have the answer. I think one of the toughest questions for people, you know, Carmen, is, is what do you want? And when you ask people that, they'll think, well, what do you mean, what do I want? Like, what do you want? Like, what do you want in life? And so few people actually have a clear answer. They might say like, I just don't wanna work anymore. But no, like, what do you, what do you want? And I find, like even for myself, the times when I couldn't answer that is either because I actually didn't know myself well enough. Like I either, I was in a survival state and so I, I couldn't even think on that level, or I just didn't know myself well enough because I had been wearing all these masks that I'd been taught to wear or, you know, put on myself to navigate this thing we call life. Uh, I think sometimes we also have a problem knowing what we want is because there's a part of us that senses, if if I really tuned in, it's gonna tell me something either scary or something that I feel like I'm not worthy of or that I can't do. So let's just not go there. But it, it's one of the, it's one of the best things we can do is to, especially around midlife, right, is when we start taking that time to, to look back. And Dr. James Hollis calls this the collision of selves. So we've got that self that, that comes out of college or, and it's got that direction and it, and it runs the program. Whether that's getting married, having children, having the career. But then there's this other self that comes in, and that's that real part of us that knows what we should be doing. And then there's this collision. And I think, you know, we use the, the word midlife crisis, but I, I think really that's what it is. It's the collision. It's like an accident on the highway. It's a collision of our, of ourselves. Yeah. And in your book, I really loved Riley; Riley was the, the main character who had that collision. He woke up and said, you know, decided that he didn't want to do this job anymore and was very vocal and ended up stranded. And had to climb, had to climb. And in this climb it was almost like he rediscovered who he was and faced all his fears. Yeah, the, the title of the book is really accurate about this idea of The Call to Climb. And, you know, for those listening, basically what happens is the main character ends up stranded in this remote Bolivian village. And they stumble in there only to realize that they've been expecting them. And it's there that they learn that there's a special mountain that calls people to climb when they need to have a conversation with their soul, but they've been avoiding the appointment. In fact, that idea came from, you know, my own dark night of the soul when I stumbled upon the work of Dr. James Hollis, and especially his book, which was Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life. And he talked about that, about the soul desires to have a conversation with us, but we just push it away. And through distraction or busyness or fear, and we just stay with the program, ' cause that's easier. So let's say you went to law school, but now you don't want to be a lawyer anymore. But it's like, but I have to be, or what would my parents think? Or, you know, we can be 40 years old still wondering what would my parents think if I switched careers or quit my job and started my own business. So basically what happens is that stuck with me, that idea of, of the invitation or the summons from the soul and how we ignore the appointment.' Cause I certainly did, I ignored it. And I thought this would be neat in a setting where the, the invitation was to go climb. And during the climb, in a sense, you, you can't escape and you have to listen to what the soul is telling you. And so the, the whole journey, the whole climb is really about reclaiming your life. And getting back so that you can live intentionally, how you are designed to live, right. How you're destined to live. Which is a scary thing actually. It is. But what I loved is that there was another character in the book who is the love of my life hero type of gentleman, Santiago. Where, Riley has these challenges that he is fighting with, and so he will discuss these challenges with Santiago. And Santiago, with such a sweet, kindred heart says the answers are right there. Or it's easy. And it's because Riley's own and just like us, because I could have been Riley. My own limiting beliefs are keeping me from seeing where I need to be. Or the life that I'm supposed to have. Yeah, there's many times in the in the climb where, you know, Santiago, he is the patience kind of all knowing guide. But, at the same time, he's not like, well, you need to do this and this and this, and here's this prescriptive formula. Because you know, we have enough people telling us what to do and, and how to live our lives. And sometimes Riley's even frustrated with Santiago, like, who will tell me? Just tell me the answer. And some, you know, sometimes he's like, ah, you'll find it out, or you'll figure it out, or it is gonna come to you. So, yeah, Santiago embodies that, uh, sort of wise sage that is wise enough to know that the answers are in inside of us, and sometimes we just have to do the digging ourselves. Yeah. You talked about, or in the book, Santiago said that you need to live and examined a life. Could you elaborate a little bit about that? Yeah, because so much of our life is just automatic. We are living the programs from our little life; from our middle life, you know, our middle school. We're just living these programs, whether that was a parent that imprinted on us early on. And we don't even realize these things because it's just normal to us, this is just life. But if we want to; if we really want to step into our full potential, then we have to live our life, not our parents' life, not the life of the herd or what the tribe wants of us. But really to, to tune in. So, in order to do that, we are going to have to start taking steps that, in a sense go against the grain, and that's gonna bring all sorts of anxiety and different things. But it's only then that we can go, okay, what's causing this? You know, as you know, from your work with people as well, that until we start to ask

questions like:

Why did I just do that? Or Why am I thinking this? And realizing that we actually can control a lot of our focus. We can control a lot of what we are going to spend our time with. And understand that we're, we're working against these habits of the brain. Like when you think of, I forget the number about of how many millions of bits of data that the brain can take in, in a single second. But how many bits of info our, our conscious mind can take in in a second. It's like 80. And so when you think about it, like your brain is the ultimate algorithm that just shows you, what it's been programmed to show you. So your reality is completely colored by the program. And the program is the thing that's keeping you from really stepping into that elevated version of you. But as you begin to step into that elevated version of you, you're gonna feel all this resistance and anxiety and different things. Well, that's when most people then back off and just go back to the pattern. But an examined life is when you can start, going, what's this serving? Like, this anxiety in me right now. This is serving a purpose, but what's, what's this in service to? And that's where we start to realize what some of the programs are, some of the beliefs are, some of the identities that are holding us back. That just go beneath the surface that we don't even know are there. Yeah, and I think that a lot of times we have a hard time working with that discomfort. You know, that discomfort doesn't feel right. So if it doesn't feel right, I shouldn't be doing it. Exactly. And we have an aversion to not feeling good. So like, how can I get out of this feeling as quick as I can? And so, you know, we have all these coping mechanisms to do that. But sometimes, actually no, a lot of times it's good to just, not fear those, those feelings and those emotions and let them sit there and then understand that there's, there's a message there. We're gonna learn something so that we can be more intentional. And as Santiago said in the book to Riley, when we don't see these programs, like, when we don't even know they're there, like what we don't see actually masters us. That becomes the boss. That's who's running your life. But when you see them now, you can start to make better choices, even though the feeling is, is there, maybe you're activated. You know, let's say you've decided that you want to leave your job and you wanna start your own business. And of course that's gonna bring up all these, these feelings of anxiety, which then some people would interpret like, oh, maybe it's not time for me. But no it's just your fear, and anxiety. So let's, let's sit in with that for a minute and find out what's going on. That's how we, we get intentional. Because as we start to see the, some of the limiting beliefs more clearly and, and do so without judgment. When we can look at something and go, oh, I'm, I'm actually afraid of what my parents are gonna save this decision, even though I'm 45 years old. Without judging that, just go, okay, well that, that's what it is. So now you know, what am I gonna do with that? Because now I can make a choice. I don't have to live the program. But you gotta see it first. In your book, you also talked about spiritual vision and answers. Yes. I love that. Could you please share so that people know exactly what this means and how you can personally apply it to your life? So I talk in the book about this idea of purpose, because that's one of the questions Riley's is asking, what am I supposed to do with my life? And Santiago helps Riley understand that your purpose isn't some vocation. It's not some, you know, uh, building schools in a developing country, though that might be part of it. Your purpose really is to bring that most authentic, courageous version of you to the world. That's your, that's your song that only you can sing. And if you don't sing it, the world doesn't get to hear it, and you don't get to play it. So when we start to think, think of it more broadly like that and from a purpose, well, we still need these guiding like a compass. And so that's your spiritual vision where you begin to think of the major parts of your life and what is it that are your North stars. Like, in other words, let's take parenting. So my, my kids are adults now. So part of my spiritual compass is, well, what do I believe about parenting adult children? Not what, what do my parents believe? Or what does my minister believe or someone on TV? What do I believe about it? Why is this important to me? What does this ultimately look like? What do I want this to look like? And then, okay, what's gonna be required of me? Like, what's my commitment? And out of that compass, we make these commitments. And so here's my commitment in this area. And so I have seven commitments in my life that cover these different areas. But here's the thing, as you create your spiritual compass and you get clear about, this is what I believe. As you begin to do the work, you will discover that, actually, your subconscious believes something different and it gives you a chance to then go, wait a minute, then, I want to correct this. So I'll give you an example. This is a recent one in my life where something was happening with one of my children. Again, all my kids are in in college. They're very expensive. And we were talking about like, providing for kids. And you know, when my parents, they gave me a sizable down payment when I was young so that I could buy my first house. Well, I've got three kids and the down payment for three houses these days is a lot bigger. And whereas like, I can't do that. And so I began to really wrestle feeling like, like I'm a bad father. And I sat with it for a bit and I was like, wait a minute, what's going on for you? Why are you feeling like this sense of shame? And I realized that somewhere in there, there was this belief that if I can't provide these material things I am a failure as a father. Well, my spiritual compass says something different. So it helps you realize like, okay, wait a minute, this is what I say I believe, yet there's this belief here so let's go with one of them; which one do we want to go with? Like, you're a failed father or do you wanna go with, with this one? Which was more like, what's most important to me is to be there for them as a support, as a coach, as a mentor, to follow their story. Okay, I've gotta let this belief go. So when we have a clear spiritual compass, it's also gonna help us, not only navigate that kind of stuff, but it's gonna help us grow and even make decisions. So let's say you're faced with, oh, should I, should I take this new job or not? Well, what aligns best with your spiritual compass and your commitments? At the end of the day once you get clear on that, then it's about keeping your commitments. And when you don't keep them, then you can go, hey, what's, what's going on for me? Yeah. And I know you also talked about values is defining what are my values and how to apply your values. And I think that ties in really good into, like, for example, like you said, if you're looking at changing jobs or accepting a certain job. How does that job align with your values? Exactly. And part of this goes back to really knowing yourself. One of the challenges is we can, let's say we, we think, well, I'm not sure what my values are. So we go online, we print out a big list of values. There's like 52. You know, we read through them. If you're like me, you're like, oh, I like that one, and I like that one. It's like going to Cold Stone Creamery and trying to decide on, on one flavor of ice cream, right? It's like, well, like I like all of these. And so that's one of the challenges of looking at value lists. But you can get a deeper dive on your values by looking at things like, what are things that really I hate and that bother me, and that really, irk me, in the world or wherever. Because often those things are where your value is getting violated. And the strongest ones, like, someone, might be, really angry about climate change and another person isn't angry about climate change. It's a reflection of our values and what they are. And then obviously, as we start to shrink down the list of what we really value and almost like pitting them against each other at times. If you can have a handful of things that you're really clear, like this is me, this is what's important to me, then that's gonna help you as you fill out that spiritual compass. Like, like I said, with, you know, some of my areas on my spiritual compass, of course, parenting, my role as a partner, my role as a friend. My soul like being like honoring the path of my soul and not violating that. God is, is one of those commitments and so is my health. So in a sense right there those seven points reflect my values, right. These are things I value. But now within each of them, what does that look like? And that's, that's what the spiritual compass is all about. And I know you also talked about that when you're going through and defining what your values are, it's also understanding, those are my values. I set those values. Those values were not set on me by someone else. Yeah, because that is so common. I mean, take a look at this country, how many people vote a certain way just because that's what their parents voted and that's the house they were raised in. I remember doing a test one time. Because I grew up in Canada, so it's a different party system. And when I was old enough to vote, like they have multiple parties you can vote for not just two, it's like five, six. And so you could do a test like which party do you affiliate with. And I'm like, well, let me take the test. And I just answered the questions and then it said I was this. I'm like, no, I'm not like I'm this because that's what I've grown up in as my parents. So that would be an example of that, being willing to not hold things so tightly. I remember it was, Mark Manson wrote about this in his book where he said, do you believe everything you did five years ago? And of course the answer is no. And he goes, yeah, but five years ago, you really believe those things. So perhaps the things you believe right now, you won't believe in five years. So hold things maybe just a little bit less tightly. So it comes back to inspecting, you know, Why do I believe this? So that's one of the questions when we're creating a spiritual compass, like my parenting or my health, like what do I believe about it? And, and why do I believe that? Why is this important to me? And again, not what my parents think or what some other person thinks or my partner thinks. What do I think? Because, and then sometimes we don't even know, like, actually I don't even know what I think. Well, great, then this gives me a chance to do some research and come to a decision of what sits right with me in this area. I'm gonna quote something from page 100 from your book, and it says,"But sometimes the first step toward greater isn't planning or strategizing. Sometimes it's pausing to reconnect with the truth. The truth about yourself." And I think that ties in really well with defining your values. Yes, because we live in this world. Again, like I said, we're so focused on the external. And so we have all these attachments and that that's what creates so much suffering for us. And so, if we, and I've been to many of them, right. You go to some seminar and it's like, uh, let's, let's get excited about our life and where are we heading? And everything is out, out, out there, right out there, out there, out there. And then you marshal all this energy and you make this commitment that this time will be different of why you're gonna reach these goals and make a million dollars, whatever it might be. But what if the first step was actually going inside and reclaiming a lot of the power that you've given out. Like reclaiming the power that, that in a sense you've been spending on other things that you don't need to spend on. And, and bring all that back. And it's, it's there when we get back in touch with the body, we get back within ourselves. That's where we start to get more clarity on the answers about what it is we want, why we're here. Because if we're always just focused on the next conquest and what we're building and creating and making, then we're in danger of missing; missing the real point of our life. And I think another thing that you talked about in your book, and I loved it and I think it ties in with defining your values, is how do you speak to yourself? Yeah, you've gotta be your best cheerleader in the world for sure. So this is something that comes up in the book, but this is idea of, of how we talk to ourself. And one thing that really impacted me, this goes back a number of years, I think I learned this from Marisa Peer. But this idea of taking moments to just begin to praise yourself, but praise yourself of stuff that you would feel good praising yourself about. And I remember setting an alarm on my phone, go off three times a day, and when it would go off, I'd stop, and I would just think like anything good about me. It could be like, you know what, you work hard or you were kind to that person this morning. And I found as I did that more, I just started to get happier. Like I started to feel happier and feel stronger. And so now I, I don't, I really don't think negatively, it's almost like a distant memory of thinking like that. But I remember times in the past like, oh, what's wrong with you? That was stupid. I can't believe you did that. Uh, you made that mistake. And I still make lots of mistakes for sure, but I definitely talk to myself differently. Because if you're not gonna be in your corner, who's gonna be? I mean, hopefully you have people in your corner. But even the best people in your corner are not gonna be perfect. And so, man, be your own best cheerleader. And there's some research that's come out as well that, uh, sometimes in a third person's voice is actually a great way to support yourself. Instead of I, it's like, Hey, you've got this. Hey, you're strong. Hey, you can do this. Hey, that was amazing what you did there. The more you talk to yourself like that, it just, it builds that, that strength within you that you're gonna need when you start to climb. Do you think that, changing the way you speak to yourself or using kinder words to yourself daily; of course it multiplies and then you are doing it tons of times, yearly; will help you get clarity and become more aligned? Yeah, a hundred percent. Because when you think about it, like when you're being negative about your life and saying negative things to yourself; like first of all, there's part of your self that's absorbing that. And we know that words have power. There's an energy to that. And so it's just like sending this negative charge into your life. And if you think about it that it's like a denser power. It's like if, if let's say you're a battery, like just drained it. Well, the more you keep draining it, the less energy there is to actually step into that creative state. Like, have you ever noticed that when you're super stressed and you're living in that, in that mode where you're, you're totally dysregulated, you're just in survival state, that's not where your best ideas come from. That's not where you're creative. That's not where you're gonna find the way out. And that's the challenge we get in these dark spaces and then that's where we, we beat ourselves up the most. But it's in those moments that we need all our creativity, we need all hands on deck. And so the last thing we need is finger pointing and blaming, and it's just gotta be all hands on deck. We're awesome. How are we getting out of here? Cause we will, 'cause we've gotten out of lots of places before. So let's, let's work the problem. And that's so important. Here's another quote from your book that I loved, and it kind of ties in with this as well. It says, turbulent state. You see the world through a lens of limitations and there, it's hard to be creative. I mean, you, you just talked about that, where it's just, nothing's gonna come out. You're not gonna be able to create anything. And anything you do create, it's not gonna be something that you're gonna be proud of. Exactly. It's like the, it's like the state that caused the problem is not gonna be the state that solves the problem. And, I love the concept of beautiful state, turbulent state. When you have the mindset of there's only two states. You're in this state or that state. Beautiful state, turbulent state. And the turbulent state; that's where we're like, fear, anxiety, frustration, anger. And the beautiful state, love, kindness, joy, peace, you know, presence; but it's there, right, that's when our ideas can happen.'Cause we're not in this survival mode. And this happened to me not long ago. We were trying to solve a big problem in our business and it was stressful and there was a lot of things riding on some decisions. And I went through a couple of weeks of just, I was frustrated a lot. And then as the deadline was looming, I kept thinking like, I gotta come up with something, gotta come up with something. And I was reminded, oh wait a minute, I'm in the wrong state. I was like, I just gotta calm down and you know, put more intention on shifting back into that beautiful state. And then, you know what, I honestly, a few hours later I had this idea and I'm like, wait a minute. And I put something together, launched it out to these clients, and they were all like, oh, we love this. We love this. You know, the, the idea was always there, but it was trapped and it was trapped by my lower states. And so when we can just trust, ' cause we think those lower states are like, we feel like that's where we're controlling stuff. But we're not really, we're just keeping the best of us down. And it takes a lot of faith to just go, you know, I'm gonna trust this moment. I'm gonna trust myself. I'm gonna trust the universe. I'm gonna trust God, whatever you put trust in. But definitely put trust in yourself. I'm gonna be at peace. I'm gonna be kind. I'm gonna be all these things. I'm not gonna be stressed. That takes faith to just even step into that. But yet that is the place, where life begins to open up for you and things begin to come your way. So tell me, how does, how, what kind of exercise did you do to get yourself out of this turbulent state, into this beautiful state so that your body, your mind, everything can do what it was meant to do and be creative? I do a collection of things, but nature is usually always on the list. I get out into nature, whether that's in the mountains or in a park or something, and I try to get away from work. So I try never to take work into nature with me because other than that, it's like I'm not even seeing nature. I'm just like there still ruminating. So, getting in places like that. Also working on regulating myself, whether that's meditation, whether that's breath work, whether that's just mindfulness. The other thing for me is just bringing my, my intention back to wait a minute, I've fallen into these states, I don't want to be there. I will get back into these states and I'm going to step into a place of love. I'm gonna step into a place of kindness. Now, honestly, when I'm triggered in those lower states, that's not just this easy flip, like, okay, let me step into love. So what I'll have to do is I'll, because every, every emotion has certain recipes to it. Like every emotion, the recipe is there's gonna be something you're focused on, something that you're believing and, or something that you're doing that can create that emotion. Like emotions are sort of like a tornado, there's certain things that create them. So when I'm in one of those lower states, it will so clog my, my thinking and my vision. So I might think, okay, I gotta step into a place of more love. And I'll think, okay, where, where's my go-to? So it's usually my children. But when I'm in that state, then I'm like, ah, but this one's doing this and this one's doing this. And I start, you know, going through all the problems that my kids are, I don't know, being like, wait a minute, but let me go back to, I remember that vacation we took. And, isn't this amazing that this one, though, they're struggling, they're, they're working through some things and this one's this. And then it's like my heart begins to soften back up again and, and I start to feel love on where the easiest point for me is my kids, right? And then, you know, I can expand it from there. So that's some of the work I've gotta do, like when I'm really having a rough time and I, I get sucked down into the, into that turbulent state, I have to do things like that. Because a lot of times people might say, but you know what, this project is due in, by tomorrow. You know, how do I get that, quick fix to get me out of the turbulent state into the beautiful state so that I can get this done and and do it right? Do it right the first time. Yeah. So anytime things like that, like, I've had that where you have big deadline or big speeches coming up and you're feeling this anxiety, but if you sit with that for a moment, it's just a fear of something. And so when you start to get clear on that, like, well, what's the fear right now? Is the fear that I'm not going to get this done? Then you can take a look at, well, do I have time scheduled for this? And okay, I do. And have I done things in the past? So let me put trust in myself. So I've got the, I got the space for it, and let me make sure I'm trusting myself. Okay, good. This will get done. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna be activated still, like I'm, I'm focused and I'm ready like if I'm getting on stage, I'm not just in this zen state. Yeah, I'm activated, but I don't have to be stressed. And so much of it is that stress, is that fear. It's that like, let's try to control it. Because how many times and for those listening, how many times have you really stressed about something and then you get it in or you get the speech done or whatever, and, and an hour later you're like, why did I stress so much? Like, I just look what I just did to my life where I barked at my kids or you know, I was snippy with my spouse, all because I was stressed and I didn't need to be. And that's like a broken record for so many people in their life. Like, I was more stressed than I needed to be. Well, the truth is, you didn't need to be stressed at all. I get that, there's sometimes real threats in our life, like, if you don't get this done, you know, you're gonna get fired. Okay. Well, I'm gonna give it my best effort and if I get fired, I'll be okay. Because I'm always betting on me. And I've found that so much of life is that, it's like a poker game where you, you gotta put all the chips in. You are all in on you. Not your idea. You're always all in on you. I am gonna quote this other quote, and this is from page 215. It says, when you feel like quitting, know that you entered a growth zone. This is an opportunity to get stronger, but if you bail out, you will lose that growth. Let's talk about that. Yeah, I think about, think about most of the growth that's happened in your life. It, it just happens because of some kind of, stressor. Like some kind of challenge where, I mean, we, we were born to walk uphill, like we were born to climb. And even from the research, what we know about human motivation is that when we have a challenging goal that's specific, it will always increase our performance. So there's, there's something inside of us that we're striving. We're goal striving people. But the thing about the goal is that it's gotta be challenging. Not too challenging, but it's gotta be challenging. But challenging means that at some point you don't want to do it. Like at some point you're thinking, I can't do this. And now you're forced to, examine what you really can do and what you can't do. And are you gonna keep going? So it's in all these moments that when we quit, we lose the lesson. And trust me, I've quit lots of things. I've quit some things where I just, I was tired. Quit some things where I was overwhelmed. Quit some things 'cause I was overextended. Well, every time I quit, I, I lost a lot of the lessons. It's not that I didn't get any lessons, but I, I lost a lot of the lessons about me. So that's why when you are struggling with something, you're totally in a growth zone. It doesn't have to be a mountain. It could be that a new boss has come into your life and they are making life miserable. So great, you've just entered a growth state. You are like, how is this growth? Because you're now having to figure out what you're gonna do, what conversation you need to have. Are you gonna stay in that job or are you gonna leave? If you are going to leave, you know, now let's face all those demons and those fears that come up. Like it's just a it's a growth zone. It's like entering, it's like you just paid tuition to sit in a college class and so much of life is that. And you know, what's the alternative that we just avoid the lessons all our life. And over time we just become this person that has a very soft, squishy character. When the real big challenges come and people need you, you're not there for them because you didn't build the muscles throughout life. And I believe that even though you fail, you grow and you learn so much from those failed attempts. Yeah, I just, I just failed recently where I entered a local storytelling competition in my city. And I didn't even know they had these, but I found out they did, and I thought, oh, I'm gonna go to one. And then I decided, well, I should enter it because I've stood on stage almost 3000 times. Like I, I, I am really good at it from, from this small town shy kid, I've, I've developed this skill. So I thought, well, I'm gonna go in the competition. So I go down there and it was that voice though that was like, don't go in the competition. Like, just go watch it first, 'cause you don't even know what you're getting into. But the other part of me like that, that soul mindset was like, no, let's, let's go in it. And I get down there and what, what they do is you put your name in a hat and they pull 10 names out during the night and whoever gets called, they, you go up, you tell the story for five minutes. And then you're judged by this panel. So I tell my kids, hey, your dad's gonna go do this thing, I want you guys to come. And so they came. And I show up that night and I thought it was like gonna be a room of 30 people, but it's not like an auditorium. And the bottom level and the top level were full. And I'm like, oh, this changes everything. But I'd already committed, right? So I, I put my name in the hat and I went up to sit down in the balcony by my daughter and I, I turned to her and I jokingly said, do you ever do something that right away you, you regretted? And she kind of laughed and I said, well, as long as I don't get called first, because I literally don't even know, what this is. And sure, as anything, they get up there, they're like, and the first storyteller of the night, James Robbins. I was like, no. So I get up, I get on stage. Now again, I, this is, I do this for a living, but I get on stage, I went over my time, I didn't put the secret word in you're supposed to say. But the good news is at the end of when I got off stage, I was in first place, until the second person went. And then I was in second, and then I was in third and then fourth. And then my kids were like, hey, dad we're gonna go. I was like, okay. And then I was in fifth, and then I was in sixth. I ended up the night in sixth place. And, I remember like the ego mindset was butt hurt about that. Like kind of slinking outta the auditorium. Because there's no way that anyone in that auditorium has been on stage more than me. I just totally got wiped out. So the ego mindset is nursing that, but the soul, the soul's mindset is just like, that was awesome. Like that was so fantastic. Like what a great experience. And uh, and then also, hey, what did we learn? And because I did, I learned some lessons there. And so sometimes I look back like, can you imagine had I gone up, entered, won the competition and what's the lesson in that? What's even in the lesson for other people? Like, I wouldn't even tell that story'cause it would almost seem embarrassing. Like what, you're a professional speaker and you won a, a storytelling contest at your city and you're proud of that. Like, I wouldn't even tell the story. But now I tell the story and people love the story because it's a story of, of shortcoming and we all can relate with that. One, I'm shocked that you lost because you're an awesome storyteller. I, I can say that because I've read your book and I've read tons of books in my life. But I don't know if you've ever read the book Storytelling. I can't remember the author, but he is like, like champion storyteller. I think it's called smash mouth or something, it's some type of event like you've talked about where, you know, they pull people out of a hat and you tell stories. So this guy's a professional storyteller who's written a book on storytelling and how to tell stories, and he lost. But he also said that, he learned, a certain technique. He learned things to help him refine his way of telling stories. And put 'em back on the map as being, you know, the one of the best storytellers. Yeah, so that's why you know, it, it comes back to you've gotta take chances in life. And of course it's gonna be scary at times, but then again, it's how you frame it. The ego wants to protect your image. The soul wants to grow. The soul seeks expansion and expression. And that's often scary because we're not always gonna look good, but the soul doesn't care about that. The soul really doesn't care. The soul wants to express itself through you. It wants to, it wants you to be the highest expression of you. And, and you'll want that as well. Like once you're there, you'll want that. But the journey there is perilous to say the least. I think this quote from your book on page 218 ties into what you just said. It says, the most important thing is your faith. Faith in yourself. There's nothing more important than believing you can do it because it produces hope. And when you have hope, you keep climbing. Yeah. A number of years ago, I went through, I was trying to think like, of what emotions are the most important to me. And, you know, I come from a faith background where everyone just talks about love. Love and love is the most important thing. And, I totally get that, but then I started thinking about it, for me, it actually hope is, is more important. Because I can be, let's say without love. But if I have hope that I will be loved, it keeps me going. But if I have lots of love around me, but I have no hope, that's a different story. There's lots of people who have had tough endings because they might have had love around them, they might have had money around them, but they didn't have hope for whatever reason. That hope is that belief in a better future. But so much of that belief has gotta be rooted in something. And in something tangible. So that's why it's gotta be rooted in you. There's gotta come back to this belief that I can do this and you know,'cause one of our biggest fears is that I'm not capable, I'm not strong enough, I'm not whatever enough. And we realize that, but wait a minute, I'm actually quite capable because look at all the things I've gone through so far. Look at everything I've survived. Look at everything I've overcome. And I'm going to bank all that, and I'm gonna put that forward and go, okay, I'm gonna put faith in myself. Faith in me. And sometimes, you know, when I think about mantras, and one of my favorite mantras to pull out sometimes is simply, I believe in me. Like when I'm going through a tough time or I gotta go, I gotta meet with a client, or they want me to come into some manufacturing plant and maybe I feel that little bit of insecurity like, wait a minute, I don't know this industry. And then I just come back to, hey, I believe in me. Like I believe in me. I will figure it out. It doesn't mean I'll be perfect, but I'm just choosing to believe in me. And even that mantra alone, if you can just keep taking that with you, I believe in me. It's going to be that subtle reminder to, to steady yourself again and just go, yeah, okay. Don't look outside for the answer. Let, let's just look inside. I believe in me. That's beautiful. James, based on the conversation that we have had here today, what are three things that you shared that you think people should practice to help them, become more aligned with themselves and find their purpose? Number one, I would say, is to start creating some space for yourself where you can be quiet. So in other words, don't just get outta bed and then jump off into life. Find some space, even if that means you have to start getting up earlier, which means maybe you gotta go to bed earlier. But find some space where you can just start to be regulated, be in touch with your soul. Begin to ask those questions about what do I really want in my life? I think that's, one big thing. The second would be outlining what would be your beautiful state. Like what's that elevated state of your life look like? And, as you outline that, then make the decision, I will live in a beautiful state no matter what. If you just start making that commitment,'cause then what's gonna happen is 10 30 rolls around and you're not in a beautiful state, you're back in a turbulent state. But at least now you notice because you put your brain on notice that we're gonna live in this state. So now all of a sudden you're frustrated, or you're angry, or you're worried, uh, you catch it. And by catching that, you can say, okay, I'm, I'm gonna return back to a beautiful state. So it, it's that intention. And then the third thing I would say is to, you know, just always keep coming back to how you see yourself and how you treat yourself. That you have that belief in yourself. And you speak to yourself in a way that is really admirable, like that you, you admire yourself and everything you've gone through. Of course, you're not perfect. So we don't have to even have that argument, but let's be our greatest cheerleader and get in the habit of, of beginning to praise you. And maybe you were raised in a time like I was where, you know, your parents would say like, oh, you don't want to get a big head. And you don't have to tell anyone else about you, but just tell yourself, you know, Hey this is amazing what you did. Hey, did you see how you handled that? That was so good. Hey, you know what's something so cool about you is just the way you, that you're there for your friends or the way you do this, just have a constant diet of that. So those would be three things off the top of my head, I would say, that are gonna strengthen you in the climb. That is beautiful. James, where can people learn more about you and where can they purchase your book? You can get the book at most retailers, whether physical Barnes & Noble or online like Amazon. And if you'd like to go to the website for the book, it is I Will Climb.com. I Will Climb.com 'Cause that's the question that was posed to Riley, will You climb? And they struggled with that and they had to make the decisions. So it's I Will Climb.com. And you also have a podcast and a YouTube. That's right, and you should be able to find all of those things there. Hopefully, I'll have to go check those links. Great. James, thank you so much for one, giving me a courtesy copy of your book. Uh, loved it, loved it, loved it. You're, everyone's gonna read my review, and thank you for coming on the show and sharing your amazing insights. Carmen, it was just great to be with you. Thanks for all the kind words, and I love the questions and just how much thought you put into this. So thanks a lot and thank you for all that you do. I know you, you help a lot of people through that midlife passage, and that's fantastic. Great. Thank you so much. Remember that storytelling competition? James was called first and he didn't win, but that was the point. The soul doesn't care if you look perfect, it cares that you climb. And the two words he leans on before big moments, I believe. As in, I believe in me. Use it, next time your name gets called, as I believe in me. Use it the next time your name gets called and your stomach drops. If you are living in a turbulent state, borrow James reset, step into nature, if you can breathe and intentionally return to your beautiful state, that's where your best ideas, we're hiding. And if you feel like quitting, that's your sign that you've entered a growth zone. Stay with it and don't forfeit the lesson. If you want more from James or connect with him, head on over to createthebestme.com/ep143. I've linked his book, the Call to Climb, his YouTube and podcast, Born to Climb. If this episode helped you share it with a friend who's ready to realign and come back next week for another amazing episode, created just for you. Until then, keep dreaming big. Take care of yourself. And remember, you were beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself. Thank you for watching. Catch you next week. Bye for now.