Create The Best Me

Why Saying Yes When Your Body Says No Is Destroying You

• Carmen Hecox • Episode 152

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Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” when every fiber of your body is begging you to say “no”? In this episode, I sit down with Margarita Kogan, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Honor and Heal, to unpack the true cost of self-abandonment and how midlife isn’t about “reinventing” yourself, but about rediscovering who you really are.

We dive deep into the ways we lose ourselves under the weight of expectations, people-pleasing, and burnout. Margarita shares how to listen to your body’s wisdom, regulate your nervous system, and find your most authentic self not with a drastic life change, but with gentle honesty and supportive community.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted, short-tempered, or just disconnected from your own life, this conversation will help you recognize the warning signs plus give you powerful, practical tools you can start today.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

  • How to spot early warning signs of emotional exhaustion and self-abandonment
  • Why your nervous system holds the key to healing, and how to start tuning in
  • Three essential questions to reconnect with your authentic self
  • The role of community and why sharing your truth with the right people accelerates true healing
  • Why midlife is the perfect moment to stop abandoning yourself and start taking up space

Music:  

Title: Relax by SyncLabMusic

 

Call to Action: 

Is there a place in your life where you are saying “Yes” but your body is saying “No”? Let me know in the comments whether you feel it in your shoulders, jaw, or stomach. 

Ready to transform your life by setting boundaries and embracing self-care? Like, share, comment, and subscribe 


📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep152

Get Margarita Kogan’s Free Boundary Script:  https://boundaries.backtoselfhealing.com/landing-page-bts-page

Learn more about the Honor and Heal Program:  https://www.margaritakogan.com/ 

 

Related Episode:

🎧 Listen to this episode: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17441076 

 

#MargaritaKogan #BackToSelfHealing #PeoplePleasing #SomaticHealing #Boundaries #NervousSystemRegulation #SelfAbandonment #MidlifeWomen #CreateTheBestMe #MentalHealth

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Here's a quick check. Are your shoulders up to your ears right now? Same here. By the end of this episode, they'll be lower, and you'll know exactly why they keep creeping up and what to do about it. Today we're talking about why you don't need to reinvent yourself with a brand-new life, haircut and zip code. You just need to remember who you are. My guess is Margarita Kogan, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Honor and Seal. She helps strong, capable women who feel stuck on the inside trade exhaustion and people-pleasing for clarity, boundaries, and genuine connection. Stick with us, because by the end of this episode, you'll have: a simple 30 second body scan to calm your nervous system. Three questions that will point you back to your most authentic self, and a fresh way to answer “yes" is it just menopause, or is it something deeper asking for my attention? Alright, shoulders down. Let's jump on in. Margarita Kogan, welcome to Create The Best Me. This is an honor and a privilege to have you on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to finally connect. Yes, Margarita, before we get into today's exciting discussion, could you please tell the listeners and viewers a little bit about who you are and what you do? Sure. So, I'm Margarita Kogan, I've been a therapist for about 15 years. And I've worked with a lot of different individuals. Mostly it's been couples and individuals in relationships. Whether that be relationships with themselves or relationships with others. And I've really, dedicated a lot of time and energy to understanding how that shows up in our world and how it impacts women in particular, and how we show up in our lives. And you're in the Colorado area, am I correct? I am, yes. In down a little bit south of Denver. Mm-hmm. Great. Beautiful place. So, Margarita, the reason I invited you onto the show is because I understand that you like helping, or your focus is helping women not reinvent themselves, but find out who they really are. Yes, definitely. So, as I was doing all of this work with women and couples, etc, what I've started to notice is that women, for so many years, start to lose themselves. And then we start chasing this idea of recreation. Whether it's we recreate ourselves physically, or what we wear, or things we do. And in all of those renditions of ourselves, we still don't get to the part that we're really seeking, which is essentially who we are. So, a lot of my work focuses on finding yourself instead of recreating yourself in the view of what other people are looking for. And I know I always use that term"reinvent yourself." And when I started researching you and researching what your focus is on. I thought, you know what, I can't use that word, reinvent myself, because I don't mean creating yourself into a total different person. But more, so discovering who that person we left behind. Yes, 100% I, that's a great way of putting it. I think for years, women do so many things. They take care of everybody. They build careers. They keep relationships afloat. And in all of these different categories, you have to show up as a certain version of yourself that you've either been sold on or you believe that's what people want. And if we're always showing up from that perspective, then we don't give

ourselves enough room to understand:

"Why, am I doing this? And who am I behind all of this?" It's just kind of a running rhetoric that we're just following, not even knowing why. Yeah, it is. I think that, we forget what our passions were, what our goals were, what our dreams were, what we envisioned we were going to be when we hit certain timelines in our life. And, we kind of become this mosh pit of who people have, molded us to be sort of. If that makes sense. 100% yes. And women are so conditioned to keep the peace and hold it all together, that we absolutely fall into that mold, because we don't notice how disconnected we actually become from our own needs. And the magic of the midlife that we're both in, or talking about, is that all of these parts that we've silenced, that we haven't given enough time or energy to; it's the tired one, the resentful one, the creative one of, "Oh no, I don't have to do that project". Or, uh, you stop painting or you start creating with the beauty that women have been endowed with. They just show up, and all of a sudden it's, No, this is what you're going to do. And if you ignore that for a certain amount of time, and continue to ignore it, what ends up happening is people become really emotionally exhausted. And feel invisible and become a little bit more unhappy with life than they would like to be. And I think this sort of shifts your personality to where maybe people don't wanna be around you anymore. Because you know, and I think it's because, you know, you're kind of like lashing out at people. Because you're not being true to yourself. Is that right? 100%. So, when we're not true to ourselves it ends up coming across as resentment. As the short-tempered person. As the "angry woman." Because all of a sudden you're just constantly under pressure, to perform and you no longer want to do that. So when I work with women, we do something called "Parts Work." If it's one-on-one or in group sessions, or I just did a retreat. And a lot of the work is around "Parts Work." What "Parts Work" really looks at is: what part of you are you functioning from right now? What part of you is angry or what part of you is upset? Because it's not who you are in those moments, but it is a protective factor of, "I can't do this anymore," and so I'm going to let everybody know how I'm really feeling inside. It just doesn't always come across in a positive way. What are the warning signs of, "You know what, I need to take a step back." I need help because I'm gonna explode. I'm becoming someone I never thought I was going to be. That's such a good question. So warning signs, I think for women, a lot of women have moments of, "Oh man, I just feel so tired." And we are conditioned to, "Too bad. Get up. Let's keep pushing through. You'll rest another time." So one of the biggest warning signs that we can listen to is our nervous system and our body. Our brain is conditioned to say,"No, keep going. You've gotta get to the next thing. We've got goals." But your body never lies. And what we've done is we're trying to think our way through healing. We'll read, journal, do self-improvement, etc. What we really need to start doing is sitting back and saying,"Okay, what's going on in my body? Are my shoulders tight? Is my stomach tight? Do do I feel something in my chest? And the goal with that is really to shift back into feeling safe in your body.'Cause until that happens, all of the tools you have are not going to be very easily accessible. But here's my thought. My thought is thinking, I can't do this alone. I can't sit back, I can't, you know, pull myself back and find myself. I need help. I need somebody to help me. Is that right? Well, yeah, it can get very overwhelming. So, if we've been avoiding all of these feelings for so long and we're kind of just thinking through things and pushing through things and all of a sudden we sit back, that's essentially what happens. Is we become very overwhelmed and it's like, "Oh, this is scary." This is too much. Because your body will feel it you'll feel it. And that's where programs; I have a, a program like Honor and Heal, we really focus on things like that. Sitting back in community, and sharing our experiences together, and working through that together so that you're not alone. Obviously, therapy also is a great place to do that, whether it's one-on-one, or maybe even giving yourself some time and going to a retreat. It's actually a really interesting experience. I just came back from running a retreat. And the way women allow themselves to just be without any distractions and the capsule that you create for that healing, the effect is compounded. And it's a lot quicker than just trying to do it by yourself and being overwhelmed. Because I think that a lot of times people might say, "Well, you know, she's going through a midlife crisis. Or she's going through menopause, it's all hormonal. It'll all go away. Go to your doctor, they'll give you a pill and it'll all go away. Magic." I wish, I really wish there was a magic pill. From what I hear, that's not how it works; it definitely. And you know what, if somebody wants to tell you that you're being, you know, "the crazy lady who ran away to a retreat," or you're just in perimenopause or menopause; people always have opinions. And I think that's just the part of being the woman that abandons herself and doesn't pursue what works for her. Why do we care what other people are telling us, right? What is that going to do for you? You're just going to beat yourself up. You're going to be unhappy with yourself. You're gonna be confused, and not take the actions that you wanted to take that probably you already knew were the right actions for you. So, let them talk. The "let them theory" or whatnot. And you do you. If you feel you need to go to a retreat, book that ticket, buy the retreat, go to therapy, find a program but show up for yourself. It is so important to do for yourself what you would do for your kids, or recommend for a friend. We just put ourselves in the back burner so often, and we completely lose ourselves. And that's not really fair, because we're beings who also need love, and care and support. And thankfully, we have that program where it supports women healing. We have the resources to find those communities. So we're really in a good place and time for that right now. And let's talk about this, because a lot of times people might say, "Well, you know what, I don't wanna go there'cause I don't know anybody." Let's talk about how important community among other people, or other women that are going through the same challenges as you. How important is that? Absolutely, I think so. In day-to-day life, we all wear masks, right? We keep up the community effect of what our kids need to see. What our neighbors want to see, etc. And so we're always putting on a show. When you build a community seeking like-minded individuals who are looking for growth. Who know that something is not working and they don't know how to get there, and they're trying to find their way but then they have support in that; together, that community brings you closer. And you are allowed to be yourself. You're allowed to share the things that you don't particularly want to share with your neighbors, or maybe with the moms at school, maybe even your partner, because you're not really sure how you feel about certain things. So, being in a community that doesn't judge you because they're focused on improving themselves and working on their stuff and having somebody leading that, that says, "Hey, here's a reflection for you. Here's what I am seeing," and not necessarily therapy. But the community does a great job of reflecting to people; "Here's what I'm seeing happen. Here's what other people have gone through. Where are the similarities, and how can we support you in your journey of healing?" It's really incredible what that can do. And I think another thing is that we all need to understand is that we're all different. So if I have an older sister, and I have a younger sister, and I'm menopausal, their menopausal; if I talk to either one of the two about something that I am experiencing either emotionally or physically they may have not gone there or it didn't bother them, like it bothers me. And, I think it would be easier if I went to you, I said, "Hey, Margarita, you know, I'm going through this. Am I losing my mind? What's going on? How do I fix this? 100%, yeah. So, finding somebody who actually hears you. When you go to family or you go to friends, it is not a blank slate. Let's say, right? You're going there and they're listening with the ear of, oh, "Well that's not how it went for me. It can't be that bad. I don't understand why this is a big deal." Because they're functioning from their frame of reference. It's not a big deal for them, so why would it be a big deal for you? But that doesn't help you. All that does is offer judgment. it doesn't get you to where you want to go. And that's the magic of having a group, or a community such as Honor and Heal, where not only is it me leading it, and my interest is really how do I get you to where you want to be. If this is something that bothers you, I am going to make sure that I figure out what is the underlying cause. How can I help you figure the underlying cause? And how do we help you mitigate it? But having a group of women, I guarantee you there's gonna be another woman. There's going to be another person who says, "I know that it might not be the same thing, but you know what, "I went to my doctor, and this is what they told me. It might not work for you go ask your doctor." And all of a sudden, you have somebody saying, " I'm going to help you. We'll figure this out. I'll help you find what's going on internally, whether it's psychosomatic, whether it's past trauma that's not resolved, etc, things we could work with. Maybe you need some tools. And then you have people who have actually gone through similar things, maybe not exactly the same, saying, "Absolutely." So you get validated from both ends; of like, yep, let's just get you to where you want to be. Let's find the resources for you together." And then you're not alone anymore. It's pretty incredible. It sounds incredible. Have you ever had a woman come to you and say, "I feel like my whole life is falling apart. I'm not connected with my husband. I feel disconnected from my children. I feel disconnected from my friends. I'm just feel totally disconnected like I have woken up to a life that I don't even recognize." That's a beautiful way of saying it, and I know that sounds counterintuitive, but here's the thing: I say healing always starts with those small moments of honesty. When you start being honest with yourself and you start recognizing those things, it can feel so overwhelming and scary. But what it really is, is you allowing and listening to yourself saying, "Whoa, something is not, it's not connecting for me." Whether it's the relationships, whether it's with your partner, and it's a blank slate to say, "Okay, here are the categories in my life." It's funny actually this is exactly how I started a journal that's going to be coming out in a little while. It's a "Back to Self Healing Journal," and essentially, what we do in that journal, is we write down those things of what is not working in my life. And we are brutally honest. And then we work backwards to say,"Okay, what are the things I would want? And then how do I get those things?" So we're not saying, "Scrap your whole life, start over from zero." We are starting to learn: "Okay, well I chose this relationship for X, Y, and Z reason. Now I'm feeling disconnected, I'm not getting these needs met." So, we'll work through what needs are you not getting met? And essentially, as you go through the journal, as you look out what do you want from your relationships, from your life, etc., you start learning more about yourself. What you need? And, how to get there with step-by-step prompts that you can follow without getting overwhelmed. Yeah.'Cause I think that a lot of times when we can, when we start to feel that way and it's scary we might make the wrong decision. We might just say, "I'm outta here" and throw everything away. Instead of like you said, your journal that's coming out really shortly; allows you the opportunity to salvage what you have, dig

through, and analyze:

"What is it?" Definitely, yeah. And that's a very common feeling for women. It's actually, believe it or not, that's a trauma response. When people want to just leave their life, or like, "I'm out of this relationship of like 20-some years." Or, " I'm done with this neighborhood." It's actually a trauma response. So what that would tell me is, there's something going on for you internally, that your system just feels like you, you will not survive this. It's not rational, it doesn't make sense. We know we're gonna survive, we've made it this far. But what your body is telling you is," Oh no, no, no, no, no, this is scary. And your brain's job is to say, "Hey, where's the safety? So it'll take you back to, "No, this, is how we behave. This is what we have to do," and it'll put you back in that shell. What we want to do in that moment, say, "Well, okay, we've got it. Where's the resource?" So, find a resource that works for you whether it's a program, whether it's a journal, whether it's a therapist. And have somebody walk that path with you, so that instead of saying,"I'm out," and abandoning everything, or going back to living a life that you're not particularly thrilled with, for the rest of however many years. You get the opportunity to figure out, "Hmm, why am I feeling this way? Like, these are some strong feelings. What about me, don't I know?" And you get to rediscover yourself. And when you take the time to do that, it just opens a whole new world of possibilities that our brains might not be able to see right now because we're coping with stress and life, etc. But if you just give yourself a little bit of time, things shift so quickly when you have that healing container. And I know thats admitting, that I need therapy," that can be seen two ways. That can either be seen, like, I like to look at it as a way of you're strong because, you're identifying that you need help. But some people might look at it that it's a sign of weakness. What are your thoughts? I think it takes a lot of bravery. So, therapy is usually not the problem the problem is, " What will people think of me? It's funny one of the biggest things, and it's so strange, looking in hindsight. But one of the biggest things I looked at when I was choosing an office, when I had in-person clients was where people were walking in and who could possibly see them or not see them. And aside from HIPAA, et cetera, it was always the client's concern of: no, no, no, no, this is too close to work. Or I don't want my church friends to see me going to a therapist outside of church. And again, it's that focus on what will people think of me that really comes up. And the other part that comes up is, what is wrong with me? Why do I have to go to therapy? Not everybody's going to therapy. But nowadays, therapy is one of those tools that really allow you to just be yourself. Kind of unload whatever you're holding onto, and then have a person who's not particularly invested in whatever choices you make, "Say, well, this sounds reasonable and rational, and this is why you're making these decisions. Maybe you could change one or two things and you could make different decisions." And so you were talking about making those bad choices; when we don't address what's going on internally in our body, it will hijack us at the worst possible time. Your body will be like, nope. And your brain is like, oh my gosh, we're in panic. We gotta do something. And then it's just like stage left. And you'll look back maybe a month or two later be like, how did that, how did that happen? Well, what happened is your nervous system was out of whack, you were dysregulated. You didn't have anybody that you could just say, "Hey, take a look at this with me. What's going on?" And then all of a sudden you kind of self imploded. So you brought up nervous system. Yes. How do you regulate your nervous system and heal from trauma? That's a wonderful question. So the biggest thing with trauma with regulating your nervous system is tuning into yourself. I know meditation is the huge buzzword, et cetera. I'm not a fan of just sit there and meditate. Because 100%, if somebody has trauma or any type of complex trauma, sitting still is really, really hard. But starting with as you're brushing your teeth or maybe getting your cup of coffee in the morning, in the kitchen. Let's start with a body scan. How does my body feel? And what you do with that is you start at the crown of your head, and you focus your energy, your attention there, and you go down to your jaw. We all hold a lot of tension in our jaws. That's why everyone around the age of like 32, 35, 40 gets those little retainers to sleep in almost. That's right, almost everybody. I unfortunately always forget to put mine on. But because we all clench our jaw or we grind our teeth, all these little things. Then we'll go down to our shoulders and notice are your shoulders up here? Or do they drop? And it's funny how many of us, including myself throughout the day, I'll be like, why am I sitting like this? And that's your body saying, I'm ready for a fight. I'm ready for something. But we're not aware of this. It's all subconscious. So as you're going down your body from your shoulders, then you know your stomach and your hips. Women hold a lot in their hips and down your legs to your calves. That's also a big place. Start noticing, is it just relaxed or do you feel tension? Is there constant tension? If you do this on a daily basis, this passive little exercise of, Hmm, what's going in in my body? That's a perfect starting point to bring awareness to; okay, so I'm constantly tense and I don't even know why. Well, then the next step is let's figure out why. Sound like you were talking about me. I'm like, oh my goodness is she describing me.' Cause I wake up every morning and my jaw hurts. I do wear a night guard and I wear a retainer. I have two in my mouth, one on the top, one on the bottom. And then I was telling my massage therapist yesterday, I always feel like my shoulders are up here. How do I train them to stay where they're supposed to be down here? Did they have any advice? My guy said, he's like, just carry two jugs around of water or milk. And I'm just like, okay, just gonna around. He says, I don't know why you do that. And I said, you know what I like to do when it really, really hurts? I hold a case of water. And I just like hold it there just to like have that energy like pulling down. Yeah, isn't that interesting how your body just reacts? Yeah, no. But do you find that maybe women in perimenopause or menopause; that's like the early sign, that's where we hold a lot of our tension? Definitely, definitely. So for women, that is where we hold our tension. We hold the tension right here in our neck. Our hips are emotions. So if you have a lot of emotions that you're storing away, if you have a lot of emotions you're trying to hold onto, or not show. Your hips will be very, very tight and they might hurt, et cetera. But if you do something like pigeons, pose, or any yoga, sometimes people start tearing up and they're like, oh my goodness, that's so weird. It's your body is intricately connected to what is going on for you, and that's why the key; in my program, we start with the body. It is absolutely the key to healing anything. I feel like so many people go to therapy for years and years and years, and I'll have individuals come in, they're like, here are my diagnoses. Here are the tools. Here's everything I'm doing and I'm still so sad and everything hurts and I can't. And that's where we start is, with your body because it is literally the map to your world. How do you react to people? How do you react to your world? How do you feel about certain things? If you don't know in your head how you feel about a certain thing, check on your body because it will tell you 100% of the time. That's true. If you give somebody information that they don't wanna hear. The first thing you do is, if you're an observer let's say you see a doctor talking to a patient and you're like sitting away over there in the waiting room, you can tell whether that was good news or bad news. Because the person who's receiving the information, their body automatically tells the people around that it was bad information. Yeah, yeah. It's like the magic key that we keep ignoring. And that's, that's actually one of the reasons I started creating programs in particular The Honor and Heal program. Because so many women in particular that were going, whether it's trauma or just life transitions or stress, they haven't dealt with. They have all of these tools, but they can't do anything with them. And so, making a space where you are intricately aware of what's going on for you. You have meditations, you have guidance of, okay, this isn't working. Let's try something else and you don't have to wait. Oh, my therapist, is booked out for four weeks. Or, insurance won't cover it or something else. You have so many resources in that container that, okay, if this doesn't work, let's try this. And we bring everything together from journaling to all of the tools, to that awareness and the reflection of what's going on in your world together to make it such an easy process to really go through and heal through whatever is happening in your life. And so is your program self-paced or is it community-based? How does it work? So there are a couple of different aspects. There is a self-paced, portion of it. Which a lot of people love because you don't have to hop into the community, et cetera. You don't have to wait for any things to be released. And then there's a telegram community that we have that gets launched intermittently. And so a group of women will join on there, and we have conversations of, Hey, what's coming up? Everything is organized and we are focusing on this right now on healing this. But you always have access to me, to say, you know what, this is not working for me, or this is not resonating for me. This is what I'm dealing with. So you have that guidance of this is how it applies. Women have so many options both doing it themselves or joining the community, or you could kind of bring it together and that's also an option. Okay. And do you find that the women that join your community or take your course are women in midlife that have kind of said, oh, I need to reinvent myself. You know, I need to find a skill and, find a handsome husband, new husband, new life, and, and run away? Or, or do you find that they're just women that say you know what, my life is disconnected and I wanna get reconnected. And they're in that midlife stage. I think that midlife stage definitely hits the nail on the head. A lot of women that have gone through my program are there. And it's kind of a combination of reconnecting with yourself and I wanna find somebody. You can't find somebody necessarily, if you're stuck in the, I don't know who I am. You'll find somebody, but you're gonna wanna get rid of them in maybe a month or so. So a good place to start would be learn who you are first. And it's that midlife age is so perfect because this is the opportunity. We've done everything for everybody. We've been the mom, the daughter, maybe granddaughter at work we've done our stuff. Now is the magical time where all of a sudden I don't really care what people think about me. I know how many years I have more or less, and I'm gonna claim them as mine. And I can just be myself. The only caveat to that is, well, who am I? Who am I? Myself is right. We don't know. And that's what we really focus on, is bringing it back to who am I at the core? What do I want from this life? And we're not saying abandon all your responsibilities. Absolutely not there, there, it's a gift. You were given this life, so please live it, engage with it, et cetera. But how you start showing up when you show up for yourself, completely changes everything. It changes the script 100%. You know, Margarita, you hit something right on the head that I just love. You cannot find yourself. I mean you cannot bring somebody into your life if you don't know who you are. Because you're going to end up leaving that person within, the relationship's not gonna last long. Or if it does, you'll just abandon yourself, right? Uh, it's either or. And I think that's very important because sometimes you'll see that people try to find themselves within other people. Whether it's a, a girlfriend, you know, you're hanging out with these ladies. Or exchanging partners because this partner jives better with me. But if you don't know who you are, you don't know who you like. You don't know what gives you joy. Yeah, so I think the most freeing truth is that we're not, we were never broken. So when you are saying, oh, this partner's going to give me this, that is only one part of you. We are all beings with multiple parts. And not to make this sound out of the box, but the person you are at work is not the person you are with your children is not the person you are in the bedroom. You are all different versions of that person. And so you were never broken or fragmented per se. You were just conditioned to abandon yourself. I'm speaking like specifically for women midlife; up until now, we have been conditioned to abandon yourself. You abandon yourself for your partner; you know, my partner needs X, Y, and Z so I'm going to do this. You abandon yourself for your children of they need a project or a costume, so I'm going to stay up extra late. You repeatedly, not you, or like women repeatedly abandon what they need, whether it's rest, whether it's a different diet, whether it's just a vacation. They completely abandoned that part of what they need to help other people get ahead. So, now you are in this midlife, beautiful era, and it's not, this is not the end. So that kind of breaks my heart is women get to this age, forties and up; they're like, oh crap, man my whole life is gone. I missed it. I missed the boat. It's not that. It's this is your moment. Your responsibility now is to say, this is my moment and I'm going to take it. So you finally have the wisdom and you finally have the courage, and you have all of the life experience that you don't want to repeat. And now you need to, you get to live life as your whole self. I think if we take the pressure off to reinvent ourselves or find somebody to maybe fill a gap and we learn how to fill those gaps for ourselves, we just start remembering who we are and then things make a little bit more sense. Things go easier in our life. Everything I teach really comes back to that learning to live from your truth instead of what you've been conditioned to do. Margarita, based on the conversation that we have had here today, what are three pieces of advice that you would give that listener or viewer, who says, I thought I needed to reinvent myself, but I need to rediscover myself. How do I do that? So I think there are three questions that I would encourage every woman to ask themselves.

So those could be the three steps:

where in my life am I saying yes when my body is saying no? So that would be number one.

Two is:

What emotions do I often silence to keep the peace? And three is what would it look like to give myself permission to take up space again? So if you start with those three questions, I think it'll give you great insight into what's going on in your world and how you can move the needle towards a direction where you really want to be. I love it. I love it. And when is your next retreat? Do you have one calendared in? So we are looking at a retreat in Colorado in April. It's still in the works, but if it comes up, it will be on my site. So you can always check it out there. I do have for all the women listening a free Boundary Script, that I think is a very valuable tool because boundaries is where we need to start with everything. It's our body and our boundaries. So I'd love if they would claim that gift. I will give you the link for that. It's free. It helps you begin setting boundaries. One of the things that really get broken when we start self-abandoning, without having any guilt and reclaiming your voice. So if you do find that on site, it will automatically add you to the list for that upcoming "Back To Self-Healing Journal." So you'll get a notification when that does come out as well. Great. Beautiful. And what is the one piece of advice that you would want that woman who's listening or watching right now to hold close in her heart right now to know that there's hope? Yeah, I think if you are ready to start the process of healing, take the chance on yourself. Because it's so easy to say, you know what, it's not that important, et cetera. But you are in this magical place in your life where you have that opportunity. So dive in. Take what works for you, what resonates for you, whether it's my program or the journal or something else. But really invest in yourself and give yourself the space to be who you truly are. Love it. And a quick question, if people wanted to join your community, is that just kind of like you just jump in? Or is there like seasons when that community opens up for fresh new people? It is seasonal. The next one will be opening up in probably in January, as we're wrapping the other one up, right now. Aside from the self-paced courses that I do have that teach a lot of that regulation and checking in with yourself, the ongoing community starts seasonally and it's usually kind of once every quarter. Okay, alright. And we'll include all that information so that people can get on if they're ready to start healing. Absolutely. Yeah. Margarita, thank you so much for coming on the show. I appreciate your time, your knowledge. And your explanation to, it's not about reinventing yourself, it's about rediscovering who you truly are. Thank you, Carmen, for having me. It was a great, great conversation. Alright, thank you very much. I'll include all of your information in the show notes so that people won't lose your connection. Perfect. Sounds Alright. If your shoulders are sitting a little lower right now, you felt what Margarita was talking about. Your body never lies. We covered how to regulate your nervous system with that quick body scan. Why midlife isn't about reinvention, but rediscovery and the three questions to keep on your mirror. Here's what I'm saying yes to, when my body says no. Which emotions am I silencing to keep the peace? What would it look like to give myself permission to take space again? If you want to learn more about Margarita or connect with her, head on over to createthebestme.com/ep152. You'll find her Honor And Heal Program, community details and her Free Boundary Script there. Come back next week for another amazing episode, created just for you. Until then, keep dreaming big. Take care of yourself. And remember, you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself by getting reacquainted with who you truly are. Thank you for watching. Catch you next week. Bye for now.